I’ve spent the last few years of my life listening to disgruntled guys. “Women are the problem,” they say. The Youtube gurus are at it on the various MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) channels, MRA’s are blaming feminism and those who aren’t saying much are enjoying the abundance of a deregulated sexual market place- to use Coach Red Pill’s terminology. Well, I say, to hell with it. You live in a world that is this world, and it has very real problems. How are you going to deal with it? I’m a solutions guy, so here are a few tips.
Focus on yourself
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt about life is that nobody really wants to partner up with a loser. Well, almost nobody. If there are people that want to partner up with losers it’s because they are bigger losers and want to feel good about themselves. That’s not likely to be a healthy relationship. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong with other people, society, the patriarchy and whatever else social justice warriors and whinny boys are crying about, focus on what can work for you and how you can best get to where you would like to be. For that you actually need to know what you want in your life.
Decide what you want
Do some introspection and decide what it is you actually want from yourself! Figure that part out before you decide what you want from partner. How do you define success? What skills would you like to acquire? Perhaps you would like to live a healthier lifestyle? Maybe you would like to add on some muscle to your frame or lose some weight? Maybe you are in a dead end job and would like to get an actual career? How do you go about doing that? What do you need to do for you!
Decide how a partner can help you achieve your goals
Truth be told, at the heart of every decision, people are all basically selfish. You do things because you need to, because it will help you in some way. Instead of pretending that you are selfless and basically a saint, embrace the idea that a companion will help you feel more fulfilled in life. Why not take it a step further? Why not go beyond mere emotional support, sex or whatever else you’re into? Instead, take those goals you created and find a partner who is willing to help you achieve them. A good partner is a help mate, as well as a mating mate.
I hear boys say that these days’ girls are all mostly sluts. That’s a common sentiment with disgruntled guys who have been divorce raped or cheated on. If you suffered from those things, I extend my heartfelt condolences. However, get up, dust yourself off, and jump back onto your horse. Determine what makes you feel deeply uncomfortable in the conduct of a woman. Usually before any woman cheats, you will have already felt uncomfortable about certain of her guy friends or noticed unguarded behavior in her. Identify those feelings within you and learn to trust your gut. You know more than you think you do. Set out the boundaries in your relationship and stick to them. Boundaries will make sure that the mistakes you make in your relationship has to do with things that will not break the relationship. For example, don’t be alone with the opposite gender. That’s a good boundary for a heterosexual couple. That way no one can come home and say, “Ops I accidently slept with my boss…” Sure, people gas light a lot in these situations… “But don’t you trust me…” or “How dare you insinuate…” Pay no attention to that. The fact is a little bit of restriction in how you deal with other people saves the sacred space in how you deal with each other. If your woman doesn’t think you have the right to have these boundaries, then go your separate ways. A relationship cannot work without a common denominator. If you cannot agree to basic etiquettes around what you consider sacred or exclusive to the relationship and you don’t know the difference between intimate behavior and cordial behavior, then you will never be able to retain the intimate space in your relationship. You shouldn’t have one.
Don’t follow your heart
I know it’s the oldest clique in the book. “Boy all you gotta do is follow your heart.” How do you know that you’re following your heart? Perhaps you can follow your heart on your way into a relationship. However once in a relationship, use your mind. Certain things can work and certain things can’t work. For example, you cannot be in a relationship if you agreed to one thing and the terms have changed dramatically. You cannot stay with someone who doesn’t have the fortitude to stick to goals if you are a goal orientated person. You cannot be with a chronic pessimist if you are an optimist. There’s nothing wrong with parting ways if you find that you hold each other back from meeting your real life goals. Just on a side note, ‘freedom to do whatever you like’ isn’t a life goal. Every relationship impedes or inhibits you in some way. You go into one and that means you have to forgo all the side babes you could have had, had you not committed. Or, you have to suddenly cater for the fact that your partner is territorial and is weary of other men talking to you too much.
There’s nothing for nothing
There’s nothing worthwhile in life that doesn’t come at a price. Are you willing to pay for it or do you want a commitment without yourself being willing to commit? I see that a lot in failed relationships. I see men not willing to curtail their natural inclination towards infidelity. I also see women not willing to understand that their men have natural protective instincts and are territorial by nature. That this will require them, women, to be a bit more circumspect in how they relate to other men. Ironically, women understand that when it comes to their male children or even their male pets! If you want to have a LTR- long term relationship, then you have to decide that it’s worth having to give up things for it. If you can’t manage to pay the price, then don’t go there.