Get and Keep a Man

From the book, ‘Get and Keep a Man.’

  • Prologue 5
  • Introduction 6
  • A chaste wife 9
  • A feminine wife 16
  • A pleasant wife 20
  • A responsible wife 23
  • A sexy wife 26
  • A supportive wife 29
  • A grateful wife 34
  • Conclusion 39
  • About the Author 40

Introduction

I’m done having fun. I want something serious.

Why would a man write a book about how a woman can find a long-term companion? What can a man possibly know about

women? If that’s your first concern I will not invalidate it here. There’s a good chance you are right. What a man does know is other men. What do men want in a long-term partner? It is not that surprising that not very many women have asked themselves this critical question. Many women, in our time, often enter a relationship with themselves. It’s a critical question because having a relationship with a man does, incidentally, include the man. Meaning, there must be something he wants right? There must be something he needs? What is it?

In the Western world there is very little focus on what men want. Frankly, we are taught that what men want can’t possibly be relevant, and then in the same breath we are distressed that many men are choosing to go their own way. In the years that I’ve spent listening to Youtube videos and Podcasts of men teaching other men game, I’ve come to realise that everyone, both men and women, eventually get tired of living shallow lives. There’s a miscommunication between men and women because they are unable to listen to each other. Western feminism has taught women that everything should be all about women. These days women don’t embark on a relationship to be

with a specific man, but rather as a means to be entertained. Relationships are valueless, and people are just passing objects that are used for instant gratification and then dumped.

Men and women rarely understand each other because they think about relationships in very different ways. Men think about sex as an objective, women see it as an extension of something bigger- an intimate emotional connection. Sure, many women also view sex as a means to scratch an itch. However, that is usually after having had some training in the field, and after being dumped several times. Detachment becomes, for both sexes, a means of defence. It becomes like a vicious cycle in which most Westerners will finally die alone, without families and without responsibilities.

In this short book I will cast some light on what men typically want. I know this because I have dealt with men over the years and I understand them. They are not that difficult to understand. However, because we have spent the last 50 years of our civilisation focusing on women we have not only over looked what men might want, but we have also invalidated them. This book is not meant for women who are on a crusade to castrate men. It’s not meant for women for which sleeping around is their divine right or those who worship the sacred feminine. This book is meant for all those women who want to get married and who can’t seem to figure out why guys are not interested in them.

There’s a negotiation that takes place in every relationship regardless of its nature. What is the best way

to go about negotiating a long-term relationship with a man? How do you get him to commit to you in the long- term? Once in the relationship, how do you help him stay faithful? Can yo help him stay faithful or are men hard wired to cheat? What is it that you have on offer? Shall we explore? Are you ready?

Get and Keep a Man_Finale

A chaste wife

A hoe is a hoe, a chaste woman is a wife.

Linda woke up bright an early as usual. The sun was glistening through the bedroom window. She had to get up but she didn’t really want to. “Why!

Aish… I need more sleep!” She slipped out of her warm and cozy bed in her upmarket apartment in Camps Bay, Cape Town. Linda, was the only child of a couple who had adopted her. Her mother was a young ambitious dancer who fell pregnant after an encounter with a sexy sailor passing through the Cape Town port. Having no choice but to have the baby, she decided to give it up for adoption. Linda never knew her mother or her father, but was grateful to her kind hearted, warm and loving family that adopted her.

Staring in the mirror, she watched a pale white face and deep blue eyes look back at her. She was the only white person in her family and as result she discovered that she had a lot more opportunities than they did, being welcomed in the upmarket white society of South Africa. It wasn’t exactly all good though. She suffered from an identity crisis. “Who am I?” She asked herself the same question while staring in the mirror for her entire life,

almost hoping that the person in the mirror would reply. “Who and I?”

At her office, Linda has a brief encounter with her ex boyfriend. He is a video guy for the popular TV network they both work for. She is a news anchor. She landed that job straight out of high school and has been doing it ever since. Starring at each other for a brief moment as they pass each other by, Randall remarks, “Looking good today” with a big smirk on his face. Linda had spent so much time talking-to herself in the mirror earlier that she messed up her colour coordination. Normally, she’d dress very formal, but this morning she had on her formal jacket with a jeans and sneakers. There just wasn’t time. Linda replied, “Fuck you Randall.” Laughing out loud this time, Randall said under his breath, “Yeah, you sure did.”

Linda and Randall got together just two months earlier, one night after a news broadcast at the scene where the latest shoot out took place between armed robbers and the police. The two of them spent a few months working together and Linda found Randall very attractive. After a night of drinks at the local pub in Loop Street Linda decided to invite Randall into her apartment. They had some crazy drunk sex and woke up the next day at noon feeling hammered. After popping some brufens and downing a jug of water, Linda looked over at Randall. “mmm.. Look Randall, it was fun, but… this doesn’t mean…” Randall replied sharply, “I know, it’s all good.”

Work got a bit awkward after that, but the two didn’t seem to be done with each other just yet. Randall would still spend the night with Linda after work. On one such

night, when Randall randomly showed up he ran into Linda’s good friend: Devon. He was surprised to find another guy there and didn’t much like it. Devon, sitting innocently next to Linda could feel the hostility emanating from Randall and so decided to call it a night. “Mmm.. Anyway Linda, it’s been nice catching up, but I have a shit load of work to do. We’ll meet up sometime soon ok?” After an exchange of hugs and kisses, Devon saw himself out of the apartment.

Linda looked at Randall and knew that he was pissed. “What’s with you?” Linda asked casually. “What do you mean?” Randall retorted. “Who is that?” Randall asked. “That’s Devon, we are friends from way before I knew you.” Randall smirked, “What do you mean by ‘friends?’” Suddenly Linda snapped, “Look Randall, I don’t owe you any explanations. I can do whatever I want. This is my apartment!” Randall got up, straightened his jacket and said, “Oh, ok. It’s like that then. Goodbye” and gently saw himself out. That was the last time he entered her apartment.

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Long- term relationships don’t start the day you decide that that’s what you want. It starts from the moment you grow breasts and commit yourself to the possibility that you would like to give yourself to one man for eternity, with all the risk that that could entail. Men who are interested in long-term relationships see women as having intrinsic value. What is that intrinsic value?

When a man has the choice between two women: one woman who is a virgin and another woman who isn’t a

virgin, nine out of ten times he’d choose the virgin. Why? Is it because she has a hymen? Is that what virginity is about? It’s because he is more likely to experience complete loyalty from the virgin than from the non virgin. While men might not discriminate when it comes to embarking on casual relationships, they most definitely do when it comes to marriage, as should you. There is no, giving a person a chance, when marriage is meant to be for a very long time.

Men know that almost every woman feels a connection to the guy who took her virginity. It’s a moment often deeply imprinted in her mind as it is the first time she felt totally and utterly vulnerable to a man. That vulnerability is what men are typically after. A woman should only feel that emotional vulnerability to her husband because that’s the only guarantee that she will be loyal, as far as men are concerned.

Several women often struggle in their relationships and complain of having a lack intimacy because their husbands are just not loving enough. On closer inspection, however, I found that it is often not the case that the husband isn’t loving, it’s that her emotional connection is with the guy who took her virginity or several other ex boyfriends. She may want to feel a deeper bond with her husband, but she can’t because she already feels a deep bond with someone else. Women are hard wired to be monogamous and they form a permanent connection with their first love in a way that they will never be able to rekindle with anyone else.

If a woman lost her virginity to a man she opted to commit to, she will find the end of that relationship to be extremely taxing to the extent that she would safeguard

that relationship with her life. She would do nothing to put that relationship at risk because it is the relationship in which she gave herself entirely to the man. Often, it’s the only relationship of that nature. Every succeeding man will only get a part of her, the first guy will always have gotten the lions share. Men know that, and men would rather avoid being the second guy if they can. Interestingly, most second marriages fail because the second husband is being compared to the first.

However, if the woman made a clean psychological and to some extent emotional break from the first guy, there’s a chance that the second guy could have a half decent committed relationship with her. Men also know this instinctively, which is why men do often marry previously married women. The fact that the woman was married and stayed loyal and committed to her husband is proof that she knows how to sustain a long-term relationship.

Also, if the woman used her entire youth (something men value) to have fun by sleeping around and enjoying the sexual attention of countless men, she is very unlikely to change her habits later in life, even if she doesn’t sleep around. The truth is that it will be difficult for her to guard herself from wanting or accepting sexual attention from men and she will view a man who doesn’t want her to welcome the sexual attention of other men as being tyrannical. It’s in her best interest and all men’s interest, for her not to get married. Men typically do not like the idea of sharing a woman. That is, men would like it if their long term partners didn’t accept or enjoy the sexual attention of other men.

In short, if you want a long-term partner you need to not be a hoe. You cannot have sex with a man and at the same time think that you’re not in an actual relationship with him. Men typically prefer women with a low body count, and who do not have several intimate emotional connections with guys. Your intrinsic value isn’t merely your virginity, but what it represents. It says to a guy that you are more likely to be loyal and committed, and less likely to make yourself emotionally vulnerable to other guys. That’s because the greatest vulnerability you have ever experienced in your life, should be with the guy that you are now with. That’s the ideal.

If you aren’t a virgin, in the very least, you should not have slept around with several guys, devaluing your future long term relationship by giving away for free what your long term partner now has to ‘pay’ for. There’s a price to commitment. If you’re after commitment and trust, in a long-term relationship then you should prepare yourself for it by respecting your future husband and his sentiment towards sexual jealousy, loyalty and commitment. The fact is, women who have casual sex ruin their ability to pair- bond. They find themselves wanting to test if they’ve still got it, even while they are married!

Now, you might be a woman that’s been around the block a few times. You might have had sex with dozens of men but now you’d like to settle down. I’m gonna be real with you on this. It’s not too late, but you have to change your lifestyle. You have to practice being celibate for one to three years to break the cycle and you have to accept that you are not equal to a woman who has guarded herself in terms of the value you bring to a marriage. It’s unfortunate

but it’s true. It’s the same like you choosing not to marry a man who is unbelievably unsuccessful and broke and who at forty still did nothing with his life. People are free to choose who they want to marry. Men prefer women with a low body count, or no body count. You can choose to be delusional, or you can work with what people actually know about men.

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A feminine wife

Be a woman, not a man

Femininity is something men who are interested in a long-term partner value. What characterises femininity? One of the qualities that women naturally have is being more agreeable. In the more biblical sense we might say that she is submissive. Meaning, in her attempt to avoid conflict and confrontation she gives into her husband when he is adamant about something. She plays a support role and helps him in his life and ambitions. Men do not like women who try to compete with them in the relationship and who try to show them up as incapable or inferior in anyway. Not only do men not like this quality, women do not really like it either. There’s a reason why women have a proclivity to marry above their social status. Have you ever wondered why women tend not to want to marry men who are poorer than they are? 

Money isn’t an indicator only of a man’s social status in the society. It’s not only an indicator of his ability to provide. It’s also an indicator for many women that he is ‘better’ than her. He is ‘more capable’ than she is. Ultimately, women want men who they view as superior to themselves! This isn’t based on your logical mind. It’s instinctive. If you can’t find a man that is superior in some way, then why do you need a man at all? That’s why so many women who view themselves as independent say, “I don’t need a man..” What they mean actually is that they don’t need a man who is inferior to them. Since they are wildly successful, that includes most men. 

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Men typically don’t go for wildly successful women. That’s because men want to be superior. Just like women want men who are superior to themselves, men want women who are inferior to them. It is instinctive in men to want to dominant, to lead, to protect, to guard and to impregnate. Men want to feel that they can do exactly what they want to with the woman. They don’t feel that way with women who are more ‘sophisticated’ than they are. That’s why most men marry women who are equal or below them in social status. Women who  are with men they view are superior will likely exhibit submissive behaviour. Such behaviour signifies that she defers authority to the man, something men feel they need in order to protect and serve. A man cannot protect a woman if she doesn’t duck when he says so. 

If you want to keep a man happy, allow him to be the man. You do that by letting him lead. Don’t undermine him or insult him. Rather, stand behind him and support him. If you think he is making poor decisions or is lacking in his leadership skills, don’t assume leadership. Rather, gently pursued him to change his mind. Women have harnessed the skill of manipulation over millions of years because they have always been the physically weaker sex. Where men excelled at confrontation, women excelled at persuasion. Use your ability to persuade to get what you want. There’s nothing a feminine touch can’t achieve with a man that you know loves you. 

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2 thoughts on “From the book, ‘Get and Keep a Man.’

  1. Dicy one, but true. Dicy, because it appears that women do not know or show what they want. There is also the culture, in which some people’s ‘NO’ is ‘YES’, hence there is a communication problem that is deeply culturally rooted.

    1. Yes, there has for centuries been greater cultural constraints on women because they needed to assume the role of cultural gate keepers in various societies. Appropriateness and making sure not to offend anyone was high up on the agenda. Since that has for a long time been the mainstay of women, this era in which women are expected to know exactly what they want is somewhat unprecedented. Women tend to fall inline with what is culturally accepted within their local environment.

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