I have had this debate over and over again where women have told me that they are perfectly fine with having male friends and their husbands don’t mind. Uhum, Will Smith didn’t mind and looked what happened to him? The fact is that male intimacy doesn’t work the same way as female intimacy, which is why they can’t play by the same rules.
A man can and often does talk to women whom he’ll promptly forget about the minute he walks away. He won’t ever wonder what she thinks of him, whether she likes him or not, and what type of impression he created. A woman, however is very different. She’ll think about that man she spoke to for a while. She’ll replay his expressions and gestures over in her head and wonder what he thought of her, if she made a good impression and whether he maybe liked her. That need for acceptance and belonging which is stronger in women than men, make them more vulnerable, more malleable and more readily seduced in a more damaging way than men.
A woman who has sex with another man will absorb something of him, carry his energy with her, and stray from the family goals and objectives. In fact, one way you’ll know a woman is cheating on you is if she says and does things you don’t recognise. She’ll suddenly express strange views you’ve never heard before, use vocabulary words she hasn’t used before, and she’ll seem uncooperative and unwilling to follow your lead. A woman doesn’t just have sex with another man. No. That man first becomes her friend. He becomes trusted enough to be alone with her. Later he becomes trusted enough to cross the touch barrier, and one day when she’s vulnerable he seduces her.
When women say, as they often do- after an affair- that they didn’t intend on sleeping the the guy, they aren’t lying. What they wanted, and what they were getting was emotional intimacy. In reality, the sex is nothing for them. That’s why when a woman has a male friend, whom she is getting emotional intimacy from, you can bet your ass she’s capable of sleeping with him. However, the real cheating started when she relied on him for emotional comfort.
The reason why all this is different for a man is because a man can have sex with a woman, compartmentalise the fact the he did, and carry on with his life as normal. It won’t affect his family, his marriage or anything else because he is built differently. He can have sex with a woman who isn’t his friend, whose name he just learnt to pronounce five minutes prior, and who only needed to flash him her boobs. No emotional attachment or feelings needs to take place first.
Finally, the truth about women is that they value emotional intimacy and connection. Any ‘friend’ is someone that they are prepared to share emotional intimacy and connection with. In principle that means every male friend is also a lover. That’s because emotional intimacy for a woman is like sex for a man. She cheated the day she needed to talk to her male friend because she was upset with what happened in her life and needed comfort.