Get and Keep a Man

I want a man who will love me, cherish me, honour me, and most importantly… I want a man who will commit. I want a man who will look after me, protect me, help me, and sometimes spoil me. I want a man who won’t cheat on me and who I can grow old with. That’s the man I want. That’s the man I don’t think I can get. 

Get and Keep a Man, by Coach De Bruyns


I’m done having fun. I want something serious.

Why would a man write a book about how a woman can find a long-term companion? What can a man possibly know about women? If that’s your first concern I will not invalidate it here. There’s a good chance you are right. What a man does know is other men. What do men want in a long-term partner? It is not that surprising that not very many women have asked themselves this critical question. It’s a critical question because having a relationship with a man does, incidentally, include the man. Meaning, there must be something he wants right? There must be something he needs? What is it? 

Men and women rarely understand each other because they think about relationships in very different ways. Men think about sex as an objective, women see it as an extension of something bigger- an intimate emotional connection. There’s a negotiation that takes place in every relationship regardless of its nature. What is the best way to go about negotiation a long-term relationship with a man? How do you get him to commit to you in the long-term? Once in the relationship, how do you help him stay faithful? Can yo help him stay faithful or are men hard wired to cheat? What is it that you have on offer? Shall we explore? Are you ready? 

A chaste wife

A hoe is a hoe, a chaste woman is a wife.

Long- term relationships don’t start the day you decide that that’s what you want. It starts from the moment you grow breasts and commit yourself to the possibility that you would like to give yourself to one man for eternity, with all the risk that that could entail. Men who are interested in long-term relationships see women as having intrinsic value. What is that intrinsic value? 

When a man has the choice between two woman: one woman who is a virgin and another woman who isn’t a virgin, ten out of ten times he’d choose the virgin. Why? Is it because she has a hymen? Is that what virginity is about? It’s because he is more likely to experience complete loyalty from the virgin than from the non virgin.

Men know that almost every woman feels a connection to the guy who took her virginity. It’s a moment often deeply imprinted in her mind as it is the first time she felt totally and utterly vulnerable to a man. That vulnerability is what men are typically after. A woman should only feel that emotional vulnerability to her husband because that’s the only guarantee that she will be loyal. 

If a woman lost her virginity to a man she opted to commit to, she will find the end of that relationship to be extremely taxing to the extent that she would safeguard that relationship with her life. She would do nothing to put that relationship at risk because it is the relationship in which she gave herself entirely to the man. Often, it’s the only relationship of that nature. Every succeeding man will only get a part of her, the first guy will always have gotten the lions share. Men know that, and men would rather avoid being the second guy if they can.

However, if the woman made a clean psychological and to some extent emotional break from the first guy, there’s a chance that the second guy could have a half decent committed relationship with her. Men also know this instinctively, which is why men do often marry previously married women. The fact that the woman was married and stayed loyal and committed to her husband is proof that she knows how to sustain a long-term relationship. 

Also, if the woman used her entire youth (something men value) to have fun by sleeping around and enjoying the sexual attention of countless men, she is very unlikely to change her habits later in life, even if she doesn’t sleep around. The truth is that it will be difficult for her to guard herself from wanting or accepting sexual attention from men. 

Men typically do not like the idea of sharing a woman. That is, men would like it if their long term partners didn’t accept or enjoy the sexual attention of other men. 

In short, if you want a long-term partner you need to not be a hoe. Men typically prefer women with a low body count, and who do not have several intimate emotional connections with guys. Your intrinsic value ins’t merely your virginity, but what it represent. It says to a guy that you are more likely to be loyal and committed, and less likely to make yourself emotionally vulnerable to other guys. That’s because the greatest vulnerability you have ever experienced in your life, should be the guy that you are now with. That’s the ideal. 

Failing that, in the very least, you should not have slept around with several guys, devaluing your future long term relationship by giving away for free what your long term partner now has to ‘pay’ for. There’s a price to commitment. If you’re after commitment and trust in a long-term relationship then you should prepare yourself for it by respecting your future husband and his sentiment towards sexual jealousy, loyalty and commitment. The fact is, women who have casual sex ruin their ability to pair-bond. They find themselves wanting to test if they’ve still got it, even while they are married! 

A feminine wife

Be a woman, not a man

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