Pursuing a previously married woman

There are instances in which a previously married woman would be more ideal to marry in a monogamous marriage. It is especially true in a culture where promiscuity is rampant. At the very least, a woman who was married for a long time likely wasn’t sleeping around and has already shown that her interest is to be married. If she is up for marriage yet again, that is further proof that stability and commitment is her preference and that she doesn’t have an appetite for sleeping around. However, marrying a previously married woman comes with complications that are difficult to overcome in monogamy. Nevertheless, you will have to try your best to work with the choices you have made.

All the above rules hold true for the previously married woman as well as a few extra rules you must observe. Firstly, you need to consider her age. If she is much older than you, then you need to realize that her attractiveness will depreciate much faster than your desire for sex will. There’s a possibility that your monogamy will be at best temporary with her. It’s something that both you and her should acknowledge.

Secondly, you are not obligated to look after her kids she had with her previous husband. However, if you choose to do so you must keep in mind that you are not their biological father who will always have a greater right over them. From a man to a man, you need to respect his right over his kids. You also need to accept that her previous husband will by necessity have to maintain contact with her in the interest of their joint responsibility for their children. Since that will necessarily be the best-case scenario for their children, it is important that you are secure in your knowledge of the divorce having been on account of irreconcilable differences such that she would never consider him as a potential mate ever again. In other words, the divorce must have been his fault and for grievous infringements, not minor differences. He must have been physically abusive or caused her to suffer from major neglect. A divorce that resulted from his infidelity is not a good enough reason for her to emotionally reject him. Nor is a divorce for any other domesticated disputes that typically arise in marriage. If the divorce took place as a result of minor reasons, there’s a good chance that she is still emotionally involved with him and that can translate into a sexual relationship once again. Women often return to men they’ve previously slept with.

Thirdly, you must have at least met her previous husband. If you get the honest sense that he is equal to or better than you as a man, then you cannot marry his ex-wife. It simply means that if she had problems with him, she’ll have even more problems with you. You are setting yourself up for failure because a woman cannot help comparing her current husband to her ex-husband. In the case of monogamy, you do not have the luxury of other wives keeping her wanting more or in check or enabling her to view herself as semi-disposable.

In polygyny, women know that their husbands have vast options and so strive to better themselves to remain marketable. This preoccupation with self- improvement and the regular distance from her husband that she experiences when he goes to his other wives, helps to keep her loyal. A woman in monogamy does not have any of those concerns, and instead has more time to reflect on the vast shortcomings of her husband while she herself feels very secure in her position. If she has someone to compare you with then it compounds the issue ten- fold, especially when you know that the guy was not a bad husband. The better thing to do in that case is to not marry such a woman.

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