I can’t get a man to commit…

Every so often a woman shows up and says, “I just can’t find a man who will commit…” There are certain things about a lot of men that a lot of times go unnoticed in a world that is increasingly unwilling to acknowledge anything masculine. Hopefully, you want a man to commit out of his own free will. I genuinely believe that people should be authentic with each other, and I would like to believe that that should be enough. Sadly, we are more than just rational beings. To some extent we are also primates. In our pursuit of this or that narrative (rationale) we’ve kinda lost the basics of how our mating rituals work. In answering this question I could say, “Look deep within yourself because you already know that answer.” That’s just a tad bit too corny, right?

Wham, bam, thank you ma’am

Too much of the mating ritual has been around instant gratification, the immediate one night stand, that these days very little is known about how to bait a man and keep him for the long haul. If a girl is looking for some fun, she really just needs to ask- or merely suggest  (even if non verbally)- and she’ll get an answer. In fact, she can go about doing that for much of her youth and almost no guy is going to say no to her. Well, when girls get used to doing that, it becomes a bit depressing when guys do start turning them down. What they don’t see is that there’s a lot of younger, more attractive women on the one night stand market. It’s also unlikely that any of those younger women will marry any of those men, and the cycle will just keep repeating itself. That isn’t how you bait a man for the long run because men want someone they think they can trust in a wife, and that isn’t the girl that he picks up on occasion- who could be sleeping with any other guy in the meantime.  If you’re in the habit of having your itch scratched just anywhere, it will seem like an impossible feat to have it scratched by just one person. Guys know that instinctively.

What do you do?

To get a guy to stick around you have to choose a guy that will stick around. A guy that wants to get under your skirt after a few days of knowing you (there are some exceptions) probably didn’t see his unborn children in your eyes. He probably is only interested in the usual fling that is so common in Hollywood culture. In order to filter out the weeds from the chuff you are going to have to delay sleeping with a guy who is interested in you until you get him to commit. This works with guys on two levels. Firstly, it says that you aren’t easy (meaning you’re more likely to not stray from a marriage), and secondly, that you have standards. At a fundamental level, trying to get a guy who will commit requires invoking those instincts in men to want to commit. The greatest instinct a man has is to want a wife who is loyal to him. The more restrained she is with him, the more reason he has to believe that she isn’t ‘everyone’s girl…’ 

Make demands

Sometimes women think that by not making demands on a man they are doing him a favor. To the contrary, by not making demands on a man you are letting him know that he is not useful in your life. That isn’t a good thing for men, even though they may often say it is. Sure, men have a fantasy about having a bunch of women who don’t make any demands on them and where they can just slake their inexhaustible lust. That really is just a fantasy. In reality, when women do not make some reasonable demands on men they feel like they are not fulfilling their roles. Sometimes, making demands will play in your favor because if he disappoints you it will be like he owes you one. Also, let’s not forget that sex used to involve the very likelihood of falling pregnant. Making demands on him was to guarantee the safety of your unborn children.

Be committed yourself

I wasn’t only just saying that you shouldn’t be easy to get so you can pretend that you’re hard to get. I was saying it because if you’re really looking for a committed man, you should be circumspect about who you allow into your life. You should choose someone you can commit to fully. That person may not be the best looking guy, the wealthiest guy, or the guy you fantasize about sometimes. That person may be the guy who works down the road at Walmart as a cashier, or the slightly overweight guy who works at the gas station. It’s hard to be loyal to one guy in a world where you can have your cake and eat it too. You could be with the fat guy down the road, and when the good looking guy comes around you could simply open your legs for him too. Technically, you could do that and get away with it. That’s why guys are slow with marriage, because they know it. They’ve also been around the block with girls like that. 🙂 You have to intentionally guard yourself against your very natural impulse to go for the best available man by knowing that in today’s world simply sleeping with man doesn’t mean anything without the arrangement of a long term commitment. When those boys are flirting with you and making you feel all sexy, you make sure to go straight home to your guy and do him for what his worth. Remember, those guys that make you feel good all day, telling you how sexy you are, aren’t going to commit to you. On the off chance, that one of them did and you actually left your husband for him- your relationship with him would be doomed to fail anyway. Your new lover will never trust you, for as long as you both shall live. 



2 thoughts on “I can’t get a man to commit…

  1. Yes, I do think it’s important to take into account the guys intention. Does he also want a permanent relationship? or is he just looking for that “Wham, bam, thank you ma’am”? I think the only way to find out is to hold off the sex another intimacies. At least until you are sure the other person has the right intention.

    1. Thank you Yasser. If it’s a marathon you plan on running, there’s no need to sprint the first mile.

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