Forced Marriages and Consent

The first legal and ethical principle we must adhere to undermines our culture of forcing people to marry. We force people to marry when we do not allow them to object and or we threaten to disown our own children when they disobey us. We do this using religion no less. The Qur’an states (17:23): And your Lord has decreed that you worship not except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. In the above verse Allah has decreed kindness to parents and to not utter even a word of disrespect. This is popularly also interlinked with obedience to one’s parents. Despite the fact that many scholars have said obedience to your parents is not absolute we know that parents have power to coerce and that we dare not in reality disobey our parents. Therefore, when elders arrange a marriage between children, it is assumed that the children must comply. Despite that the Qur’an states (4:19):

O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allāh makes therein much good.

It is clear that Allah does not allow women to be taken as brides against their will. The context of the verse is clearly talking about sexual relations. Hence we arrive at the issue of consent, and here it is the consent of the woman not the consent only of her father or guardian. You must ask yourself if a child can consent to buying a car with your money? Can a child consent to traveling overseas alone? If a child cannot consent to those things, how can a child consent to marriage? Obviously, a child cannot consent to marriage, and hence it is unfeasible to force a child into marriage. In the custom where people practice arrange marriages for their children, it is known that when those children become adults they have to consent to being married to each other. What is adulthood in terms of the Qur’an?

And give to the orphans their properties and do not substitute the defective [of your own] for the good [of theirs]. And do not consume their properties into your own. Indeed, that is ever a great sin. (4:2)

The verse tells the guardians to release the property of the orphans before warning the guardians not to marry them so as to usurp their property in order not to release it. The clear indication is that the orphans have reached adulthood. In other words, adulthood requires the intellectual capacity to handle wealth. In another verse, the matter is made clearer (4:6):

And test the orphans [in their abilities] until they reach marriageable age. Then if you perceive in them sound judgment, release their property to them. And do not consume it excessively and quickly, [anticipating] that they will grow up. And whoever, [when acting as guardian], is self-sufficient should refrain [from taking a fee]; and whoever is poor – let him take according to what is acceptable. Then when you release their property to them, bring witnesses upon them. And sufficient is Allāh as Accountant.

Here, we can see that there is an age for marriage, and this is coupled with sound judgment to manage one’s own property. In other words, from the context of the Qur’an itself, the age of marriage is not only when a woman menstruates, but also when she has sound judgment. You cannot entrust a woman to a man who menstruates and must manage raising children while she has no common sense or sound judgment. Hence, we are wrong to sleep with underage girls who were given to us in marriage by their fathers while they are not of an age to consent themselves, and who are not mentally mature. It is known that a person considered an adult in Islamic Jurisprudence must be both baligh (menstruation/ ejaculation) and aqil (sane), and a child is similar to someone who is insane and therefore cannot be married. It is therefore categorically forbidden by Allah to marry off your daughters and sons against their will, and to marry off your children in arranged marriages unless they later consent when they are adults.