REASON #4
POLYGYNY PROTECTS MARRIAGES
What is the most common complaint that women have in their marriages? They complain that their husbands are inadequate one way or another. Either the man doesn’t earn enough or he doesn’t satisfy her sexually, or he is abusive or he cheats. These are common complaints. What is the most common complaint of men in their marriages? Men usually don’t complain much. They usually say that their wives are great but they would have liked to have more sex. Of the two genders, it is usually women who have most of the complaints. There is one fix to all of this and it is polygyny. The husband gains perspective through polygyny. One wife is often not much better than another. He’ll learn to appreciate each wife’s strengths and weaknesses and suddenly the wife he originally started with will not seem as bad as he initially thought when his experience was limited to just her. He will also learn new things and if he is conscientious he will definitely improve himself and become a better husband overall. On the other hand, the wife who was constantly complaining about practically nothing will have something concrete to complain about now, which doesn’t actually make a woman less happy, but more happy. A little-known fact is that most women live for the sensation they get from feeling intense emotions. It doesn’t matter whether these emotions are negative or positive. That’s why women find that their sex lives improve when their husbands have other women. Polygyny creates that space for longing and an element of danger that women crave. It keeps life exciting.
Gaming Monogamy
In monogamy people tend to take each other for granted. When a man sees his wife every day she becomes his family, and at some level she’s unfortunately not much different from any other family member. The intrigue, the tension, the desire and the excitement are lost in a few years. Similarly, the man tends to live his life for the sake of his family. He loses his identity and therefore his appeal. When his wife originally met him, she was attracted to the lifestyle he led. He was a man who kept himself busy with his success, his health and his effort to climb the social hierarchy. Now he is the man who mops the floors, washes the dishes, changes diapers, and takes out the garbage. He is the man who is loyal and committed and whose life is predictable. In other words, he is now domesticated and boring. For his wife, she accomplished her goal. The excitement of the conquest has ended for her. For him, he accomplished his goal. He made her his wife, the conquest is accomplished and now they have to live out their days through the monotony of everyday life. One day they’ll realize that they can’t do it anymore and get divorced.
Sure, many men and women can force the issue. They can loyally remain monogamous and do things to beef up their game. They can go on dates and take random trips. The woman can work out and improve herself with time. There can be a gradual and steady upgrading for each person within the marriage, and the boredom can be offset. All of that is possible, but not likely. The more likely thing is that the man gets a side chick further down the road, something seems different about him, and for some reason the excitement is reignited in the marriage. It is why I say that it is often the mistress who saves the marriage. Deep down, the wife suspects something, of course. After enough years together, she knows the man she lives with. She knows something is different, but she dismisses it because she LIKES IT. It solves the problems of their marriage, but it doesn’t solve the problem for the mistress. At best, the mistress never gets what she wants—legitimacy. In the world of monogamy, the only way she can get it is by usurping the position of the wife. In the world of polygyny she can be the mistress and still be legitimate.
The Mistress Wife
The mistress is a solution to the problems of their marriage but she also comes with her own problems. How can you trust the mistress? Remember that now the wife is sharing a sexual ecosystem with an unknown woman whose values are at best questionable. If she’s prepared to be the mistress, is she also prepared to cheat on her already cheating partner? Does she have other men sleep with her during the times when her already married partner isn’t available? Is she going to bring “home” a sexually transmitted disease? Is she going to turn out to be a complete psycho, not stay in her lane, and try to ruin the man’s family? The mistress comes with all the problems illicit relationships come with. It is riddled with danger because it is kept a secret. There is zero accountability, and there is plausible deniability. That is not how polygyny works. In a society that accepts polygyny, there are no secret mistresses. The other woman of a man is known as his other woman.
The other woman of a man would, in a society that accepts polygyny, be his other wife. Everyone would know that she’s married, including the majority of honorable men who will respect the boundaries marriage entails and therefore not try to seduce her. Other women in the society will also expect of her to behave appropriately on account of her having a husband. She will have wife duties and responsibilities, but also rights. He will not be able to decide at a whim that the woman is no longer with him, and the consequences will be long-term even if he were to divorce her. Moreover, his first wife would be protected because this other relationship would have proceeded according to the same rules. The new wife must be chaste and must practice sexual fidelity. She can’t denigrate the family by improper conduct, and she must honor her husband’s name within society. Instead of bringing shame, she brings honor. Instead of bringing STDs, she’ll bring support.
The Reactivation of Competition
Women, on average, compete their entire unmarried lives—and often within their married lives—for the attention of men. Nothing turns a woman on more than competition. It’s why countless women are mistresses of married men. It’s natural. Married men turn women on. Women who live within their sexual instincts can’t help themselves. They have a weakness for married men. Sex with a married man is the greatest ego boost for a woman. In her mind a man with other women still wanting her means that she is better than his other women. She wants to reinforce her belief in her great abilities, and feels the need to work harder to please him because deep down the ultimate victory would be to tame him. If she pleases him more, maybe he’ll leave his wife? Now, of course, nine out of ten times he won’t leave his wife, but the fact that she has to work for it turns her on. Nine out of ten men give her attention and would sleep with her without demanding anything in return. She never has to work for anything and that dries her up.
While the incoming woman is trying hard to outdo the woman who is already there, the woman who is already there tries to show why she is worth keeping. She knows instinctively that the other woman is going to try to usurp her position. She’s not going to let that happen. A toxic woman will try to throw the other woman under a bus. The confident woman will up her game. Suddenly, the man who had sex twice a year will find himself having sex every day. He’d discover his wife can cook meals he never thought she could. The house will be cleaner, the mood will be more pleasant because now she knows she’s replaceable. The irony of all this is that one can actually achieve all these things in monogamy if people were just less complacent. However, human nature trumps ideology on most days. The fact that his wives both believe they have to earn their keep reinforces the value of the man. The man isn’t just a part of the household furniture anymore. It also makes him more attractive. Both women desire him more than they would have if he didn’t have the other woman. They are both in their natural state. They are in the state they’ve always been. They are once again in competition.
To conclude this part of our discussion, polygyny protects marriages because it simulates human nature in a walled garden. Women experience the competition they naturally experience in the wild—which is how we’ve existed for millions of years—while having the safeguards of marriage. On the other hand, it protects the man from cheating because he gets the variety he wanted, and his position as the head of his family is secured. His women want to please him. Since they are focused on him, they’re less likely to cheat. Also, because he effectively has his hands full when upholding the rights of his wives, he can’t within reason sleep around. He doesn’t have the time or energy for that. In fact, most polygynous men won’t have the desire for it either. Sex every day is enough to keep him fully satisfied, and the constant attention of women is enough to keep his ego suitably inflated. He always feels pretty good about himself and goes out into the world with greater confidence and therefore becomes more successful. He becomes a net positive in society instead of a playboy and a menace. His marriage is safe, his women are safe, he is safe, and society is protected from the likes of him.
Polygyny Maybe? (ebook)
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