Hey everyone, today I want to dive into a topic that’s often taboo but hits home for so many couples: sexless marriages. I’ve encountered this issue repeatedly where people, especially women, express frustration and dissatisfaction in their sex lives, while men tend to feel content most of the time. It’s rooted in our biological differences—men are visually stimulated and can get aroused easily, anytime, anywhere, as long as there’s even remote attraction. Women, on the other hand, are more complex; we need strong emotional attraction, a sense of safety, the right mood, and ongoing buildup to truly enjoy and feel satisfied by the experience.
The thing is, women often blame their partners for not satisfying them, putting the onus entirely on the man. And sure, that’s part of it—he has a role—but it’s not the whole story. Sex isn’t just an act that starts and ends in the bedroom; it’s the culmination of a long, ongoing flirtation in daily life. For men, it can spark with a simple suggestion, but for women, that tension and attraction need to build throughout the day. Life with your partner should feel like a constant dance of desire that leads to intimacy.
Let’s break this down evolutionarily. Men have a sky-high libido because, optimally, a fertile man could father up to 30,000 children in a lifetime if he impregnated a different woman daily—think historical figures like sultans with over a thousand kids or Genghis Khan with thousands more. Women, by contrast, max out at around 40 children under ideal conditions. Sex is primarily for procreation in biological terms (though it’s also for bonding, fun, and health), so it makes sense that men’s drive is geared toward quantity and visual cues for quick arousal, tied to survival instincts. Women’s selectivity ensures quality—choosing partners who can provide and protect. This leads to a big conundrum in partner selection. Women often prioritize “provider” traits: reliability, wealth, stability, over raw “sexiness” like physical strength or athleticism. In modern society, success isn’t about brute force anymore; it’s intellectual or financial.
So, women marry safe, dependable men who aren’t necessarily the most exciting physically, turning sex into a duty rather than a passionate desire. Over time, that attraction fades, and marriages become sexless. Men, to revive this, need to reclaim their assertiveness—like our caveman ancestors. Don’t hesitate; initiate with confidence, use your physical strength to create a possessive, instinctual dynamic. Suppress those primal urges at your peril—modern men who over-intellectualize lose that edge. Embrace your “animal self” through role-play, like hunter and prey, to spark real passion. Women, your role is crucial too: adopt submissiveness and deference. Men are wired to desire yielding partners; when women dominate or control, it erodes our interest and authority, leading to emotional withdrawal, separate beds, and intimacy droughts.
These power struggles kill desire because true attraction flows from biological roles—assertive men leading, submissive women following. In marriage, we often abandon this, but restoring those instincts is key to sustaining passion, as it’s what drives the species forward.On the mechanical side, issues like premature ejaculation can be managed with extended foreplay and building mutual readiness through that daily flirtation. Women, take agency—sex is a team sport. Direct the pace, use physical control for your satisfaction instead of being passive. Men are proactive “givers,” tailoring pleasure to you, while women thrive by focusing on male fulfillment, aligning with our innate masculine and feminine energies for harmony.In the end, sexless marriages stem from abandoning our primal instincts. By embracing those roles—men as dominant providers, women as submissive nurturers—we can reignite the fire and keep that species-driven passion alive. If you’re dealing with this, check out my book on Amazon for more depth. Thanks for watching!
A Guide on How to Get and Keep a Man (eBook)
I want a man who will love me, cherish me, honour me, and most importantly… I want a man who will commit. I want a man who will look after me, protect me, help me, and sometimes spoil me. I want a man who won’t cheat on me and who I can grow old with. That’s the man I want. That’s the man I don’t think I can get.
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