In the Name of Allah the Compassionate the Merciful
To give charity publicly is good, but to give to the poor privately is better for you, and will absolve you of your sins. And Allah is All-Aware of what you do. (2:271)
When I was a kid, I was raised to believe that helping others is the default form of existence. My father was always engaged in helping people. Many of the people around him were people he was helping in one way or another. He was the perpetual helper. Now I have a son who has the exact same personality. He is helpful and always wants to help everyone. I used to do that for most of my life, but I’ve learned to curb myself. Why am I talking about helping and giving charity as if it’s a disease? Well, because it can be.
It was a Wednesday night. I had just put my wife and two children on a plane. I was still trying to understand the roller coaster ride I was on when I had to go to the domestic side of the airport to board a plane myself for a local flight from one city to another. I sat there at the gate waiting. Without any announcements, calls, or passengers visibly boarding, the airline closed the gate. When there were 45 minutes before the flight was supposed to take off, I decided to ask them when the boarding time. They politely told me that the boarding gate was closed. That’s indeed something strange for a local flight, but there was no arguing. I saw a great number of other passengers stranded.
I then proceeded to try to book another ticket because I now had absolutely nowhere to go and I needed to get home. Next to me is a young man. He obviously also missed his flight. He decided to practice his Arabic with me as he was studying Islamic law. So between the two of us, we both needed a flight. I saw on his face that he was worried. He didn’t have money for another flight. So what did I do? I made a few phone calls. I myself didn’t have enough money to book two flights: one for him and one for me, but I had good, reliable friends. I called up two different friends, and within 5 minutes, they had both sent me money.
I asked the guy sitting next to me how much he still needed. Basically, almost the entire amount, and I immediately transferred it to his account. I said, “Pay me back later” when you get the money. He assured me that he would. Did I know there was a possibility that he wouldn’t? Sure. I obviously knew that, but my conscience wouldn’t allow me to board that next plane knowing there was this young student of Islam who was stranded.
Now, two years later. He didn’t pay me back. That’s fine too. I always knew that was a possibility. I didn’t ask him for the money, I didn’t remind him, I just let it go. Money is, after all, just a tool you need to get by.
In another incident within the same year, I helped a guy who needed a place to stay but who hadn’t yet received his salary. I agreed he could stay at my place, I was renting, but that he could pay half the rent for that month when he got paid. I even specified what the exact amount of money is in a message and asked him to specifically acknowledge that he agrees to pay that money on that exact date. When the time came for him to pay, he did pay. But he didn’t pay the amount we agreed on.
Over the years of helping others, I have realized that even some of those others are far better off than I am. I remember when I had a shop, and we sometimes didn’t have food at home, but people would need help to feed their families. Later, you’d see these people feasting on charity donations they got while you and your family are fasting every day.
But the most crucial lesson I learnt is that charity doesn’t help anyone. It’s not good to give people something for nothing because it makes them dependent on charity. The old saying is that if you give a man a fish, he’ll have food for a day, but if you teach him how to catch fish and give him a fishing rod, he’ll eat every day. Also, I had to ask myself. Would I accept charity? The answer is NO. I wouldn’t. Even at my most desperate moments, when I needed food, or money, or even a place to stay, I would MAKE A DEAL. I would make sure that I am giving that person something they want, whether now or in the future. “Let me rent your house from you, but I’ll only be able to pay at the end of the month…” No, not a discount rate, the full rate. I never said in my life to anyone, “Give me charity…”
People who have dignity and honor don’t want charity. The truth is if you give truly deserving people charity, they aren’t going to accept it without offering something in return. I have helped people like that, too. I do that kind of charity all the time. The man who does repairs, I’ll pay him more than he asked for. The person who fills my car, I’ll give him a tip. The waiter at the restaurant, the cleaner at work. Why? Because we all know that a job like that barely covers the bills. We all know that people with jobs are functionally poor. But there’s one big, big difference between them and the person asking. They are doing something to better their situation, and they will NEVER ASK. They rely on what God gave them. They do what they can to get money; they don’t ask for it. I conclude with what God says in the Quran:
˹Charity is˺ for the needy who are too engaged in the cause of Allah to move about in the land ˹for work˺. Those unfamiliar with their situation will think they are not in need ˹of charity˺ because they do not beg. You can recognize them by their appearance. They do not beg people persistently. Whatever you give in charity is certainly well known to Allah.(2:273)
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