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I feel pretty uncomfortable right now. Is that good?
This guy changed my life đź‘Ś
Yes! This is the key insight I think. And the realization that our perceptions of the world are relative. Wealth and poverty, success and failure – these are relative values. Change your perspective and you change your reality. Although Islamic women’s garb is still way too hot relative to western clothing. And it blocks your ears and eyes.
Brilliant. Maa shaa Allah. What God wills. And God wills you to explore the brilliant potential with which He created you.
Brilliant. Maa shaa Allah. What God wills for you to explore the brilliant potential with which He created you.
Great.. On time
Hey, this was also my experience.
Yes, true… Horrible things happen to people for lack of a few cents. Better to have money in your pockets and be able to do right by people and the world in general.
I really felt this article. I’ve been struggling with weight loss post university. Did keto for 6 months and lost almost 30kg. Then gained it all again
Good luck bro. Don’t give up.
Good advice for those of us starting from the ground up.
As a young person, I found it to be an invaluable read. T’was good
True. Gratitude is one of the most powerful states of mind we can be in.
Flexibility is also key. In fact for some of us, fun has to be item number 1… Otherwise life can get grim.
Yes. Empathy, curiosity, and a willingness to learn are the only way to begin to understand others. And to be willing to be a fool, a beginner, one who needs teaching from other cultures is very helpful.
This was another good read. I totally agree with all the points made in this blog. People do need to consider that while they may view the behaviours/actions found in other cultures as bizarre or even unethical, it may not be seen that way in that particular culture and in-fact they may see your culture as the strange one. Cultural norms are only only norms because it’s learned within that setting. Ehtics, morals and values have and will always be subjective. In the UK teenage pregnancies and marriages are frowned upon. But where I am currently living (you can probably guess) woman are encouraged to marry young. Which one is right? Well each culture have their own reasons and this is where context comes into play.
One of the most beautiful posts I’ve ever read. The second I started counting the blessings in my life, I experienced true happiness. Life can be tough, but it’s also so beautiful. Waking up and knowing you have a roof over your head, food, family and able to walk and talk, is such a blessing. I am a strong believer in the law of attraction and law of vibration. The more grateful and positive we are, the more wealth and happiness we get.
It’s a spectrum. Be who you are. What is the use of winning someone if it relies on pretense because they don’t like who you are? Or because they lose their identity when you turn out to be a real functional being? For real love and real connection, you have to be as you are. And who wants to be desired for their accessories and persona?
“And who wants to be desired for their accessories and persona?”
Well, a cursory look around Instagram and Facebook with all the pictures of women, their accessories and definitely a persona, will have answered that question I think. The amount of time and money a lot of women spend on sexy outfits and make-up might also give us a hint or two about who wants to be desired for that? Yes, it’s a spectrum of values and how the opposite gender relates to each other. However, it’s not possible just ignore central because some people don’t see themselves like that. Real love and connection happens between people invariably based regardless of gender. There’s often real love and connection between brothers in arms- for example. Sexuality, on the other hand, is far more ancient than the articulation of love and it does play itself out in gender terms- male and female- in most cases. People do put on a persona with regards to sexuality, both males and females. Someone trying to ‘look sexy’ is putting on a persona. What people forget is that when the chase is over, when they’ve gotten the man or woman they’ve wanted to, that doing those things are no longer necessary. It has almost come across as demeaning for women to engage in sexual play, for example, with their husbands. However, they happily do it when they are trying to get a guy they like to sleep with them. What guys want is simply the same thing women offer to begin with when they decide to try and seduce a guy. “I need a good strong man around here…” or “Oh, can you help me…” “Can I get you a lovely this or that…” Countless arts of seduction involve a very simple formula for women. First, if it’s an alpha type man, act needy and some what helpless, it will elevate his sentiment to want to protect. Second, offer to be of service, to proves that the woman will be a help mate. Third, accentuate your body by highlighting your sexuality. Smile more, make more direct eye contact, and breach the perimeter of ‘personal space’. Amazing, when instinct mode is turned on and women want to seduce a man they know all the right moves. When they have the man, it’s done- suddenly having moves is inauthentic a mere “accessory and persona…” Many marriages are sexless, and while it’s not all on the woman, women are the most powerful agents of sex- far more powerful than men. That’s my take, I look forward to any responses. Feel free to dismantle my ideas.
Men will agree with you here, especially older men who were married.
A brilliant article and true. Maa shaa Allah. Also concise, to the point and clear. Like I said, for men.
Young men might still argue. Will discuss it with their girl friends or the spouse who will twist their minds.
This could be true for women too. Because some men, especially cons behave like women.
In my experience with young girls who came to ask for advice, and young men ; they lack dignity. Don’t want to let the guy or girl go who clearly does not want them. Have like an obsession. Can’t say ‘ if you don’t want me, then I don’t want you’.
One incident, the mother and daughter together had affairs. The father-in-law ended up living with his son-in-law, both of them out of their women.
Then the son-in-law took his wife back, after her boyfriend dumped her and left her with a huge loan to pay on her and her husband’s house.
Thank you. Yes, it’s important for everyone to again have men who are both kind and firm. Usually, when a woman has an affair, there are several things leading up to it. It rarely happens that a woman gets seduced by a total stranger. Men can see things like that from a mile away but they often choose to remain silent or ignore it. In that way, men must accept some culpability when their wives have affairs. They allowed the the space to wide enough between them for that to happen. I don’t believe it’s good for men to blame women. I believe men should be firm enough to engage a problem directly from its inception. Men know ahead of time when their wives are likely to cheat, and they should address that. Women often know intuitively when their men are cheating, but often choose to ignore it.
I have never really gained muscle that looks like the body builders or power lifters. Like you say ‘ you can’t train for both ‘. My training was for fitness and speed.
And since my budget was small for eating, that looks like it was not adequate for muscle building.
So I remained thin, fit, healthy, and perhaps easier to move fast and light, till my old days.
Love this one!
Yes, you can’t control what is happening around you a lot of the time, but there is no need to allow it to control the inside of your own head. The more you can stand in your own strength, clarity and connection to a Higher Power, the more freedom you have to be who you really are…
Yes, I do think it’s important to take into account the guys intention. Does he also want a permanent relationship? or is he just looking for that “Wham, bam, thank you ma’am”? I think the only way to find out is to hold off the sex another intimacies. At least until you are sure the other person has the right intention.
Thank you Yasser. If it’s a marathon you plan on running, there’s no need to sprint the first mile.
Naming is also the terrain for struggles for power. People who are oppressed or denigrated get named in hurtful and untruthful ways. Renaming and relabeling things is a way of creating justice and taking back one’s power. Sometimes the old words are the lies. The new words can sometimes be closer to truth. Or at least give a person a space to stand and room to exist where before there was none.
Thanks for that thoughtful comment Alex. Certainly naming can be the terrain for power struggles. Renaming can be a step in the right direction if coupled with changing the paradigm against which the old names functioned. The thing behind the name has to change also, not just the name for the thing. One way we can start collectively edging closer to the truth is if we call things the way we see it. It might never be objectively true, but if enough people are brutally honest with themselves and others, we certainly will have more to work with, more to rally around and more to progress with together. The opposite is also true. The story of the emperor’s new clothes comes to mind. No one could say that he was naked and everyone pretended that his new clothes were amazing. Meanwhile, they knew he really had nothing on.
Thank you, I got a degree later in life, then realised that I will have to create my own job. I wasn’t happy with an entry level job, working for peanuts. I started at the bottom, learn’t how that particular company was run, then started my own company.
Yes. What say makes sense; I can identify with it.
We have a long history suppression of speech.
Suppression of speech is definitely one factor that retards progress. Misnaming is also about shutting people up. If you mislabel their discourses, they can’t be heard by anyone. That’s a good observation.
Congratulations on having gotten your degree Jasmine. Do you feel that your degree helped you in running your own business?
My grandfather inherited his father’s business in which he grew up.
In his old days, my friend asked him ; What’s wrong in this world?
He said ‘ There is enough business for everyone, but someone wants
it all’.
So, a business needs to be protected.
Then , there is ‘ what always sells, and what sells faster’ depending
on your interest. He advised on a few avenues.
Then there is, your records, ‘ you can’t control it if you can’t measure
it’. Its so in the built environment too.
So, I don’t know. Whatever you do, business or other, you need
to keep focused, and need to be in or create the right soil in which
to grow.
Yes, I would like to learn more about the middle path. What does that look like, whose on it, and how can I get their.
I typically am success driven, but have been slowing down recently. Working on slowing down some more. Interestingly, I used to be complacent as a young adult. I thought I was a failure, so who cares. Now, I’m definitely seeking the middle. Thank you, Yaaseen for approaching this topic, and many others. I’m really enjoying following your blog.
Yes this so useful. So much of our stress comes from too many choices, too much info. Externals pulling us off our focus. Detox on every level is necessary on a regular basis.
The new normal… the pandemic really forced us to rethink alot of things. We certainly need to upskill for a life of online earning and correctly said being able to grow or source our own food.
As a youth, I avoided many fights and arguments due to the fact I was fasting. Indeed it is not just about the abstinence of food. There is wisdom behind it all.
I highly agree on all counts. The only thing I would add is that some people will say “yes I would speak to this opposite-sex person in front of my husband or wife” but they’d be careful not to cross the line in that interaction but let private interactions bleed into dangerous and straight-up inappropriate territory. People are not as honest with themselves as they think they are, so I’m not sure it’s super useful to use the marker of whether or not I’d speak to them in front of my spouse. Maybe I am not saying or doing anything inappropriate, but my heart is ramming my rib cage because simply talking to them makes me get butterflies in my stomach. What I FEEL in that case is inappropriate, and can’t be defined by any actions. What do you say about that? No actions taken, but the heart develops an attachment?
Thank you for your comment Fatimah. Speaking to the opposite sex is ordinarily part of life. One cannot account for how people feel when they speak to each other. It would have to be up to the individual to take precautions based on what they know regarding themselves and the opposite sex in general. In the scenario you’ve highlighted, if a man or woman felt that drawn to someone who isn’t their spouse they should avoid having a one on one relationship with that person. If they find that they are uncomfortable meeting with that person even when their spouse is present, they can simply not do so. However, society cannot pander to the possibility that someone might feel something inappropriate because then we might as well say that men and women should not socially interact at all. I find that societies where they maintain segregation between the sexes along strict lines to be hyper sexualised often resulting in both men and women unable to negotiate having to socially interact with each other minus sexual connotations. There has to be a balance between reasonable precautions and going to extremes. From the perspective of Islam, one should consider that if God didn’t want women to socially engage with men minus sexuality becoming an issue, Hijab would not be part of the Islamic code. The idea of covering one’s ornaments is precisely so people, men and women, can socially engage without it having to be around sexuality. Engage with people for their minds not their bodies. Guarding ones modesty and lowering of the gaze precludes that there is something to guard against and hence I believe social interaction in general between the sexes is, in terms of the Qur’an, perfectly normal and acceptable.
I struggle to the see the point of this meaningless and false narrative of women. And find it hypocritical that you say “men know their own sex better than the opposite” when you wrote this whole piece trying to narrate what women think/feel. Hahahaha.
I don’t see how this entire blog is about how women think or feel. It is often the case when a strange woman is with another woman’s husband that the wife has a sense of whether the woman has honourable intentions or is trying to seduce the man. You will find men who say, “no there’s really nothing to worry about” when in fact there’s everything to worry about. Similarly, men also have instincts concerning other men and it is often the case where a husband would feel uneasy about one man but not another. When people are in a marriage they must heed each other’s warning and consider each other’s feelings regarding who they socially interact with on a personal level. For example, I once asked a wife of mine whether she was comfortable with me going for walks alone in town with another woman. Had she said that she wasn’t, then I wouldn’t. It’s not about control, it’s about putting your relationship with your spouse first. Similarly, men might feel that a particular man appears to have less than honourable intentions but not mind another man occasionally interacting with his family because they have a level trust between them. However, despite everything, countless marriages have failed because people have failed to take reasonable precautions and or heed the concerns of their spouses. I appreciate your sarcastic remarks. I have never deleted anyone’s comments. It would be boring if everyone agreed with me!
True, you would struggle to see the narrative (and irony) of your words and this whole blog post.
Yes, I would struggle to understand what it is you mean since you haven’t explained yourself very well. I’m glad you see irony, it can be fun.
I don’t understand the defensiveness in your tone. Both men and women were well-addressed in this piece. Are you a woman? I am, and it seems very accurate to me both as a woman, wife, and friend to many, many women, and it’s not bad for men and women to acknowledge the things that present challenges for them in the course of living. It doesn’t have to be taken so personally or offensively. Thinking you’re above the fray of the human condition is perfect recipe for falling prey to it.
People generally only get so defensive when they feel personally attacked by something that hits too close to the truth. I hope everything is okay with you.
Looks like my comment got deleted
It didn’t get deleted. I read the whole exchange.
True. Maa shaa Allah. Very well said. So that each person can be and feel independent.
The mistake some people often make is thinking that God needs our prayers, so we do it only because we’re commanded to do so. Of course we pray out of obedience, out of love for God, but we need the prayers—not God. God is not in need of anything. Like you say, we need God, and need to be reminded of our complete dependence, lest we forget that our provision is dependent on Him and thus begin confusing the means of provision with the Source of provision.
It reminds me of the problem some have with being called a slave to God. But what they forget is that if you are not acting as a slave of God, you are instead a slave to money, your career, societal expectations that serve nothing but dead materialism—and how is THAT freedom? Like you say, only with God is there true freedom. Prayer should help realign us several times a day to the reality of God, and therefore to our true purpose, to infuse every single action with true meaning and purpose. May God remind us not only to pray, but WHY it is we pray, each time we go to the mat.
Great piece, thank you.
Its in reality a huge post. I am sure that anyone would like to visit it again and again. After reading this post I got some very unique information which are in actual fact very helpful for anyone. This is a post experiencing some crucial information. I wish that in future such posting should go on.
How would you answer the argument that the reason incentives to bring women into male-dominated fields are largely unsuccessful, is due not to inherent tendencies in women but due to women not being taught that they belong in these fields from a young age?
If women were taught differently from childhood, how would that end up?
Well there’s a study done of Scandinavian society where they’ve tried to achieve equal outcomes in all fields across the board. The result was that women gravitated to more ‘feminine’ roles and differences between the genders actually become more pronounced. You can check out this talk if you like by Dr. Jordan Peterson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMcjxSThD54
He also talks about his years as a practicing clinical psychologist working with lawyers where most of the high flying female lawyers would quit because they also had other goals in life they wanted to pursue, like giving birth.
God guides and misguides. Without misguidance we cant see guidance, and distinguish between the two. Therefore we are thankful to God for guidance, and pray to God against misguidance. One is saving time, and enjoying precious life; the other is a waste of valuable time.
Wasting time is an unfortunate misfortune. Wasting is is wasting life itself.
Dicy one, but true. Dicy, because it appears that women do not know or show what they want. There is also the culture, in which some people’s ‘NO’ is ‘YES’, hence there is a communication problem that is deeply culturally rooted.
Yes, there has for centuries been greater cultural constraints on women because they needed to assume the role of cultural gate keepers in various societies. Appropriateness and making sure not to offend anyone was high up on the agenda. Since that has for a long time been the mainstay of women, this era in which women are expected to know exactly what they want is somewhat unprecedented. Women tend to fall inline with what is culturally accepted within their local environment.
Beautiful, painful, profound, open-ended.
As a woman, I just want to not be in a society in which men think they can enslave me. Everything else follows from this basic self-interest. And that is not exactly guaranteed.
While you have important points… It is important to note that women, creating a stable home environment are the base, the root if you like of a successful tribal structure… A successful societal structure if we’re to follow your line of thinking…
Why would feminists worship Satan? Actually he would count as just another male who has no respect. Feminism is the reason why we women get to vote, own property, and rank as real live human beings instead of possessions. Female honor that depends on some guy or other is not honor. It’s just compliance, which is worth less than nothing.
I disagree as usual. Sometimes I think our real purpose might not be to give, but to receive. And some people are always going to have to receive a hundred times more than they give. Their brains, their bodies, or their destinies make this so. Perhaps they are our true treasures.
Excellent. I love this ” now ” writing; it is happiness itself.
Yes, now is really all anyone has. It’s an important realisation.
Thank you very much.
When the two have the same goal to be Muslim in the obedience of Allah , there are no conflicting roles.
Yes, I completely agree. Brotherhood is very important.
Clear communicator, emotionally intelligent, and focused on growth. They provide practical frameworks and encourage accountability.
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